good is good

the end.

2006-02-13T04:26:00.000-08:00

love isnt a game where i hurt you, and you come back and hurt me back and we are supposed to forgive each other. we are not obliged to just because the other did the same. we do so because we want to.

i want to trust you again. but you are not helping. so now its my fault that i'm chauvinistic? for making you promise me it would not happen again. what so hard about that? instead you get angry as you think i'm suddenly going to control your life. i wasn't even angry at you, what gives you the right to be angry? you know..despite what everyone tells me not to do, i was ready to forgive whatever you did as long as you assure me you would not repeat whatever you did. but it seems your pride is more important than me. i'm disappointed.

i don't think you understand how much what you did meant to me. i don't think you understand how much you meant to me.

i'm tired.. i thought i would never be. but somehow u managed to prove me wrong as you said you would. congrats. you got your wish. it took 4 years for me to trust, and u shattered all of that in one night. who's the one thats feeling jacked? i won't deny it, i'm scared to trust you, just based on whatever you said.

this is going no where. both of us are too self-righteous to ever step down and give what ever we want. i really can't accept this. hai niao gen yu xiang ai, zhi shi yi chang yi wai.

despite everything, she's right. you deserve happiness. but i won't be the one to be giving you it. because you won't let me.

this is the last post on this blog.

ge chien

久未放晴的天空依舊留著你的笑容
我拉著線複習你給的溫柔
讀完了依賴我很快就離開

because of you i learnt to play so i dont get hurt.
its back to playing.

look what you've done - jet

2006-02-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

the day started off well. todays tournament was a really damn meaningful experience. i've learnt so much from today, whether in rugby or in life. theres nothing else to say here as these moments are those i will remember for a long time.

i've finally learnt that its never only about myself.

if you had one shot, one opportunity, would you capture it? or just let it slip?

the night hurt so much. i was wrong about you.

i would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you.
love is one big illusion i should try to forget.

2006-02-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

turn back time.

2006-01-21T22:32:00.000-08:00

i understand its hard to believe whatever i say to you now.. i've done so many things to let you down. i was a jerk. i've been taking you for granted for the past few months we've been together.

i didn't appreciate all that you've done for me. instead i get angry at the slightest things, and vent my frustrations from other problems in my life on you.. even when you tried to help. im sorry. i wasn't understanding at all. even when i knew you couldn't meet me because of your family, i still got frustrated. i took the frequency we met as a gauge of how much you loved me, but overlooked other things that you've done for me. i never really reassured you on how much you meant to me. i never realised how wrong i was till now.. when i've lost you.

its been a week and a half, and i've done alot of thinking these few days. i miss being with you. i realise now how much you mean to me when you are no longer here.. i want to change for you, i want to appreciate you.. i want you back in my life. i know i've hurt you alot.. by my actions which led you to think i don't care for you. i've made you so tired of this relationship, by my childish behaviour. instead of sitting down and talking things through, i chose to ignore you, or be angry at you without really understanding what you were going through. i promised you that no matter what happens i'll be there for you, and no matter what happens we would work things out. and i broke that promise. i should have made the effort to talk things through with you, instead of assuming things..

i still care for you. but i know these are just words. and i know that i've let you down so many times its hard to trust these words anymore.. all i've ever done in the past was just talk but not showing you how much you mean to me. i wish you would believe me that this time its different..that i really want to change.. but i would understand if you don't. i'm sorry..

2006-01-21T21:18:00.000-08:00

this is second chance of my life. and this time i'm not going to screw it up. missed a few opportunities because of the injuries. especially the rsf tens. i took for granted that playing rugby is a right, when it was actually a privilage. sitting on the sidelines watching the team actually play their hearts out and eventually not making through was really a humbling experience. i wanted so badly then to jump onto the field and play, anything just to help out. later learning that i could be out for months from the cock doctor scared me even more. but i should go back and thank him someday. because i never felt like this before. as they say, you only learn to appreciate something when you've lost it. been taking for granted things in my life, things that mean a great deal to me. and i've begun to cherish the things that i have now. have i ever said i really love playing rugby? haha

haven't been putting as much effort into training as i should. and its time to start training hard for A' divs nationals. starting as flanker tmr for match against ntu. i don't care how long i stay on, as long as i play my hardest. first 28 just ain't enough. its the first 15. silver isn't good enough. its the gold. and the first step towards that starts tomorrow.

jie kou

2006-01-12T04:39:00.001-08:00

jie kou - zhou jie lun

翻着我们的照片
想念若隐若现
去年的冬天
我们笑得很甜
看着你哭泣的脸
对着我说再见来不及听见
你已走得很远

也许你已经放弃我
也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过
请再给我一个理由
说你不爱我

就算是我不懂
能不能原谅我
请不要把分手当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口
请你回头
我会陪你一直走到最后
就算没有结果
我也能够承受
我知道你的痛是我给的承诺
你说给过我纵容
沉默是因为包容
如果要走请你记得我

如果难过..
请你忘了我

it doesn't have to be this way. i'm so sorry. for hurting the person that meant most to me.

grounded

2006-01-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

i've finally learnt to be contented.

love can be so boring.

it was 3 am when you woke me up
and we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could, just to get away
we talked about our lives till the sun came up
~~and now i'm thinking about how i wish i could go back, just for one more day~~
~~one more day with you.~~

one last

2005-12-19T08:02:00.000-08:00

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for a while and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
It's better if we just let it go

Every time I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus

Baby if we met each other under a diferent sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have

Chorus

We both know
It's better if we just let it go

stray

2005-12-18T00:11:00.000-08:00

yuan lai wo zhi shi tu ran lei le
yuan lai wo cheng zhe cheng dao wo ma le
yuan lai wo bu ai le

long distance relationships don't work.
and it ended up being like the rest now.

something pretty - patrick park

2005-11-30T19:38:00.000-08:00

Here I am, where I’ve been
I’ve walked a hundred miles in tobacco skin,
And my clothes are worn & gritty.
And I know ugliness,
Now show me something pretty.

I was a dumb punk kid with nothing to lose
And too much weight for walking shoes.
As for loneliness,
She greets me every morning.

At the most I’m a glare,
I’m the hopeless son who’s hardly there.
I’m the open sign that’s always busted.
I’m the friend you need, but can’t be trusted.

Here I am, where I’ve been
I’ve walked a hundred miles in tobacco skin,
And my clothes are worn & gritty.
And I know ugliness,
Now show me something pretty.

i must learn to control my temper on the field. time to go to gym

champs

2005-11-22T18:51:00.000-08:00

champions again. plate champions this time, but still the feeling is indescribable. it just feels so good to win. what makes it even more sweet was that it wasn't an easy victory. there were lots of injuries, self-doubts and penalties. but we made it. making it to finals for next year nationals seem so real now.

my leg is fucked up so badly that i won't be able to jump for the next week. but its all worth it.

leaving for genting on friday morning. maybe taking a break from this is what i need. start afresh.

its different now. why bother to save it when the both of us know things can't go back to the way they were again.

i'm not here to repeat the last four years.

all or nothing

2005-11-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

i've learnt not to take a lot of things for granted after recovering from my damn long illness. being able to train is definately one of them. which i'll get to do tmr finally.

maybe if we get to meet more than once a week things could be different. but this is a mistake. i'm sick of trying. sick of this relationship of convenience.

cos you and i could lose it all
if you got no more room inside for me in your life

sums it up perfectly.

Cannonball

2005-11-02T21:59:00.000-08:00

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear

Stones taught me to fly
Love, taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her

It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

2005-10-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

im promoted. the past few weeks have really been emotionally taxing. but im glad i took something out of all these. to not take things for granted and only wait till something happens and try to make up for it.

insignificant things suddenly become significant when you realise your days are numbered. the feel of the field, being in lt3, the fruit stall's tidbits, going to arthar with the gang, people. funny how i never noticed before.

its the feeling of helplessness, knowing that you cannot change the outcome no matter what you do or how hard you want to work. its the feeling of regret. feeling alone even when surrounded by people. the feeling of waking up every morning and knowing there isn't anything to look forward to.

feeling of relief, hope and motivation.

this is a long post. good is good.

time to bulk up and prepare to trash rj and ac next year. friendly match next week. by then i'll put on 2 kg.

i want to make this work. you have done more for me than you know.

2005-10-16T02:20:00.000-07:00

Green day - Boulevard of broken dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines

What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

commitment-phobic. this could be so much more, if not for me.
i want to trust you. but im sorry. that you are a victim of what someone else has caused.

2005-10-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

vertical horizon - goodbye again

guess i don't know whats left to say
but hear me out
all of the dreams of yesterday
keep breaking me down

your falling in, i'm falling out
so it's goodbye again
it's way past time, for one last try
so it's goodbye again
goodbye.. again

i'm getting over, but whats the use
and what can be said alone in this room
maybe i would forget i was ever here
maybe forget i was ever, never here

enrique iglesias - hero

would you dance, if i asked you to dance
would you save my soul, tonight
would you tremble if i touched your lips
would you laugh, oh please tell me this
hold me in your arms, tonight

i can be your hero baby
i can kiss away the pain
i will stand by you forever
only you can take my breath away

would you swear you would always be mine
or would you lie
would you run and hide

oh, i just want to hold you
i just want to hold you
am i in too deep
have i lost my mind?
well i dont care..
you're here tonight.

i dont know how else to express whats inside now.

its the blood of a champion that is running through my veins

2005-09-30T23:46:00.000-07:00

clay aiken - the way

There's something 'bout the way that I can't take my eyes off you.
There's something 'bout the way your lips invite,
Maybe it's the way that I get nervous when your around.
And I want you to be mine
and if you need a reason why,

It's in the way that you move me, and the way that you tease me,
It's in the way that you hold me, and the way that you know me,
When I can't find the right words to say

There's something 'bout how you stay on my mind,
Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes.
Maybe it's the way that makes me feel to see you smile.
And the reasons they may change
But what I'm feeling stays the same.

I can't put my fingers on just what it is that makes me love you, you baby.
So don't ask me to describe, I get all choked up inside, just thinking bout the way.

its just for one more week. rugby withdrawal symptoms.

i know how it may seem like right now, but give me the benefit of the doubt.

old habits old people, new circumstances. its 2 wasted years gone under the bridge.

2005-09-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

awesome.

nothings gonna stop us now

2005-09-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

ora and sas alumni match on sunday. watching the match made me miss my old team. rugby is definately not the same without you guys. the telepathy i had with my lifters, that made me feel i could get every opposition lineout ball, the camadarie, the stupid things we do, the sense of belonging. will i get it back here?

promos are coming damn soon. the stress and backlog of work is piling up. yet i've never felt more motivated.

2005-09-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

Short-term goals :
Make it to J2. (and not in MI)
Gain 2 more kg of muscle mass by end of promos.
Don't burn out before promos.

Long-term goal :
Get into first team, and
Win the championships next year.

2005-09-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

just came back from the gym with jingteng. bishan gym is full of monsters.

watching the sunrise at airport brought back memories. time really flies. for a split second i almost missed you.

but im over all that now

dissidents

2005-08-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself."
heard this quote from someone today and its damn true. how many times have you heard people making discouraging remarks about things they probably won't and dare not try, yet want to shoot down those people who have the courage to at least try?

moral of this sentence? shut your mouth if you don't have anything good to say.
im only more inspired to do my best now and prove you wrong.

Ash - Starcrossed

I wish I could ease your fears
I would catch the diamond tears you're weeping
In your eyes I would hide
By your side I could defy
The forces tearing us apart
But reality, as it seems
Looking back, is that our dream
Was fated from the start

At this time now it's far too late
You can't save us

miracles do happen.

2005-08-20T05:55:00.000-07:00

147th reason why i love rugby -
6 years of sports and i have never ever came close to sniffing the gold medal in any competition. today changes it all. nothing beats the feeling today. got my first taste of victory, and im even more hungry for the first team and next year's 15 a side.

you really do reap the rewards when you really want something that badly and are willing to give everything for it.

im going to move on. emotionally, not just physically. whatever that means.

2005-08-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

theres something really gratifying about making your own money and not always having to rely on your parents. especially when u make more in a day than your parents make in half a week.

i really want to drop out of school. jc life isn't for me. i have zero interest in whatever shit is being taught in school. if only i could just go get a job now and fuck care the monotomy of education.

i need money. anyone with part time jobs please sms me. i'll do anything that pays above 8 bucks an hour. anything. except u know ahem.

2005-08-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

had match against centaurs u-17 on saturday. wasn't really a good match. team play was disorganised, and defence was really leaky. i think most of the newbies really have to work on their tackling, although they are doing quite well in other aspects and learning the game really fast. tackling (or the lack of) really killed us in the game. everytime the opponent have the ball they make it past our advantage line because someone missed a tackle. and the entire forward pack have to backtrack to support. then the opponent swings the ball to the other end of the field, we miss another tackle, and the forward pack runs all the way across the field to secure the ball again. i nearly died from exhaustion, not to mention the other erm bulkier forwards.

but credit has to be given to the new j1s. they performed well individually considering this is only their second match. most of them have potential and im sure they will improve alot more with more experience. looking forward to next match.

its been a long time, and that almost seemed like a lifetime ago, yet the past always has a way of catching up with you. this is who i am now. not then.